Sat Funny! “Does this mean Sgt. Maj. Kasal is going to be my stepdad?”

Thanks to JoshO for the link!


via DUFFLEBLOG!

Eyewitnesses say Kasal brutally assaulted survivors of the initial crash. Kasal reportedly grabbed victims by their throat and crotch before spiking them into the asphalt and nearby parked cars.
“For a second I thought we had come across a Machamp,” said one survivor from a full body cast. “By the time I realized it was Sgt. Maj. Kasal, he had already buried his boot about six inches into my taint.”
A number of bystanders were injured during the assault. Kasal also totaled four cars and uprooted one tree.
Witnesses say Kasal loudly argued that “Millennials will be the downfall of my beloved Corps,” and he “long[ed] for the days of the Pepsi Generation!” throughout the attack.

And then this.

As a result, Kasal escaped down the amtrac ramp, witnesses say, and shouted 
at the top of his lungs that he was surrounded by pussies before jumping into the water.
Kasal’s rampage and subsequent escape have left some survivors concerned about family members.
“He yelled something about finding my mother and making sure she ended up having a son she could eventually be proud of,” said one Marine who underwent emergency surgery to have a cell phone removed from his rectum.
“Does this mean Sgt. Maj. Kasal is going to be my stepdad?”

Read the whole thing here! 

This was too damn good!  Please God will someone get Kasal a copy of this?!?!